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Romania Trip - Marie's Journal
Marie Uhrich - Senior Vice President, Communications, Thrivent Financial
Thursday
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Sunday | Monday | Tuesday | Wednesday | Thursday | Friday | Saturday
Thursday, October 6
Day One
In Anticipation...
Today, the day before we leave on the very first Thrivent Builds Worldwide trip to build Habitat for Humanity Homes in Cluj, Romania, excitement is in the air and I can see it on the faces of the team members I meet in the halls today at Thrivent Financial for Lutherans.
We're a group of 20 Thrivent Financial employees and field representatives who are piloting our new Thrivent Builds global volunteer trips in preparation for the 100 trips we plan to help our members take in 2006. We're excited, we're nervous, we're proud to work for a company that will not only allow us to take the time to do this work, but is actually encouraging it.
Together, with Jane Semrow, our team leader, I will be writing this blog – a new thing for all of us – so we can share our experiences with you – real time.
The best way to start is to provide a flavor for who's on the team so I asked each of my team members to give me a short bio and I intend to ask them to share their thoughts and feelings here as the trip progresses.
Mike Feiler, I am manager of Lutheran Community Services and my office is in Spokane, Wash. Our region covers eastern Washington, eastern Oregon, Idaho and most of Montana. I live in Coeur d'Alene, Idaho. In my previous life I was a daily newspaper editor for 25 years. I have been married for 37 years to an Idaho native named Janet. We were college sweethearts both studying journalism in college. Janet and I have two grown sons. I was born in Chippewa Falls, Wis. Our passion right now is restoring an 1898 home is an historic Idaho mining town.
Cheryl Paholke, I'm 48, a wife and "empty-nest" mother of three children, two grandchildren and two step-grandchildren. I live in the country about 20 miles north of Appleton.
Andrea O'Keefe, I am a project manager at Thrivent Financial, where I have worked for 31 years. I am married and have two children and three grandchildren, who I am leaving at home. Previously, I have gone on several international mission trips through my local church. I feel very honored and am excited to be going on a trip where I will be representing the organization I work for on a Habitat build.
Marna Gisvold, I am a senior project manager in Communications at Thrivent Financial where I've worked for 18 years—14 of them in Communications. My family consists of my husband, Jim, our two daughters, Jacalyn (6) and Katelyn (3), a dog, Dusty, and a cat, Herman. I enjoy scrapbooking, volunteering at school and weekends at the lake. I look forward to the adventure of traveling to Romania—to make a difference for the families for whom we are building homes and to be part of the exciting launch of Thrivent Builds Worldwide!
Bonnie Sielaff, 55, Appleton, Wis. I'm a mom to three and grandmother to two wonderful grandsons. I'm looking forward to this awesome opportunity.
Marcus Mack, 44, Appleton, Wis. I'm the father of three. Close friends say I'm a "pathological remodeler" and not happy if I don't have a project going on. I am looking forward to this experience.
Rick Schultz, 48, Appleton, Wis. I'm a married father of two. I'm a veteran of a similar mission trip to Tisovec, Slovakia. I'm looking forward to getting back to Eastern Europe.
Dan Shinnick, 48, Appleton, Wis. I'm a father of four. I've had many domestic Habitat experiences but this is my first international build. I'm excited about helping people in need.
Kathy Kaddatz, 51, Appleton, Wis. I'm a mother of four and grandmother of two beautiful granddaughters. I'm excited about my first international excursion to help families improve their housing standards.
Kevin Tesch, 31, Appleton, Wis. I'm really passionate about volunteering and enjoy helping make a difference in other people's lives. Working with Habitat for Humanity provides an excellent opportunity to help people and build hope and empowerment for families around the world.
Greg Retzlaff, 39, I'm married with two children. I've built with Habitat before in U.S. I'm really passionate about helping families have a basic need we all take for granted: a place to call home.
Jane Semrow, 40, Oshkosh, Wis., married with two children. I have the privilege of leading the first corporate team of volunteers on a Thrivent Builds Worldwide International mission trip. In preparing to lead the trip to Romania, I participated in a Habitat mission project in Taos, New Mexico in May. I have a heart for missions and a desire to share my time and resources to help others in need.
Beckie Phillip, 33, I'm the mother of two wonderful children. I have built with Habitat for Humanity several times in the Minneapolis and Appleton area. I have the desire to provide families help to build a healthy and safe home.
Karl Starr, 49, Minneapolis, I am a 26-year veteran of Thrivent Financial. I have volunteered 12 years as a Habitat volunteer.
Vicki Stumpf, I am a five-year Thrivent Financial employee. Of all my years of volunteer experience, I feel very fortunate to be involved in this mission trip opportunity.
Paul Pflieger, 41, I have been with Thrivent Financial for 19 years. I hope the success of the trip will be a catalyst for many successful international trips in the future.
Nathan Oppedahl, 40, I have worked for Thrivent Financial for 18 years. I'm looking forward to partnering with Habitat in Romania. It promises to be a wonderful experience.
Katie Kloster, 40, I have worked for 18 years with Thrivent Financial. I am excited to join the team for this philanthropic adventure with Thrivent Financial's Team Cluj and Habitat for Humanity International.
David Mitchler, I am a Financial Associate who has been with Thrivent Financial for 12 years in the north Atlanta area. I am married with 2 boys. I look forward to the trip to Romania. It is always a pleasure to help others and this mission to help build homes and spread God's word through Habitat looks to be an experience of a lifetime.
Marie Uhrich, 45, I am a wife and mom to two great kids. I got the Habitat bug from serving six years on the board of the Twin Cities Habitat for Humanity affiliate. I am living out my life-long dream of building homes internationally.
Friday, October 7
Day Two
23 Hours and Still Traveling
We left early the morning of Oct. 6 and we all made it to Chicago…. even if all the luggage didn't. One of our team members, Mike, lost his luggage in trying to get from Spokane to Minneapolis—the day before we left and three days later still doesn't have it…
Our team from Appleton, Minneapolis, Spokane and Atlanta met at the Chicago airport for our nine-hour flight to Milan. From Milan, we were off in a smaller prop plane to Cluj. Landing in Cluj felt like we were entering another world. The airport was small and looked like it was built in the '50s, security was nonexistent (they didn't even check our luggage at customs) and we were tired when we ended our trek 23 hours after we started it. Cluj is a town of about 300,000 with 100,000 being university students.
Our hosts, Mihai, Habitat Cluj's volunteer coordinator and Laura, the Habitat Global Village coordinator for Europe, met the first Thrivent Builds Worldwide team with smiles. We loaded all 20 members of Team Cluj and many bags of luggage (mostly filled with tools we brought to use and donate) tightly into the bus they provided and made our way to Hotel Meteor, our home away from home for the next week.
After a big dinner with Habitat staff and board members and a brief orientation, we were off to bed. Even with the time difference, we slept soundly.
Saturday, October 8
Day Three
Our First Day Begins. . .
We arose with energy and excitement to begin work on our first day on the job site. The site of the three row houses Habitat Cluj is building is in an industrial area near the edge of town. The government donated the land and the three buildings are in different stages of completion. Twelve families will make this area their home and we met them all today on the job site. Habitat homeowners need to put in hundreds of "sweat equity" hours.
The flats in these row houses consist of a kitchen, living room and bathroom on the main floor and two bedrooms and a small bath on the second floor. Each unit is about 750 square feet. The buildings are stuccoed and built very well. Our site supervisor, Vio, is good natured and enthusiastic about having 20 more people to work on site. He speaks no English but we have translators who help us communicate.
Welcome to manual labor…
Our first job was to "push and press" the heavy clay on the foundation floor in preparation for the cement. With 20 shovels and a tool made out of a campfire log with two wood stakes for handles were used to move the dirt and then compress it tightly to make a solid foundation. Our mascot, Nero the dog, took a nap while we worked HARD! After lunch the team split up and some went to dig a big trench for sewer next to the foundation of the building that was near completion. The trench when finished will measure about a yard wide, and 60 yards long with depths ranging from 3 feet to 9 feet. This was hard, slow work, but we made it fun by working together. Others kept working on the foundation and another group worked on the roof and walls of the third unit. At the end of the day, Vio said through our translator that we were a very strong team and the work we accomplished that day was equal to the work of another team finished in one week. We were thankful for the praise, but boy did our bodies hurt! What a contrast to our desk jobs!
Our first impressions….
We pause at the beginning and end of each day to reflect on what we've experienced as a team. On Saturday night we talked about our first impressions of the country and the experience. Common themes were surprise at the beauty of the architecture of Cluj, the friendliness and appreciation expressed by the people here and surprise at the smallness of the airport. One team member, Kevin, who had been concerned about the language barrier here, remarked how he was thankful that hand gestures and smiles communicated just fine.
I noticed the contrast between the old and new—a horse and wagon traveling down the street next to a BMW and the old architecture contrasted with Internet cafes.
Sunday, October 9
Day Four
Making a Date with the Bishop
Our aching muscles couldn't slow us down on our day off. Today was really about culture. We started the day at a Hungarian Lutheran Church service, Gyulekezeti Hirlevel. The bulletin was in Hungarian, the hymnal was in Hungarian and the service was in Hungarian. We didn't understand much, but recogized a few familiar words and phrases. After the service we met the Bishop of Lutheran Church in Romania. He spoke excellent English and was excited to have us visit. He invited us to tea at the courtyard of the church on Tuesday. We're adjusting our schedule to make this work. The church was old and beautiful. Some parts of the building had been there since the Reformation.
Lunch was pizza—including one with an egg on it—in a cellar-like pizza joint off the beaten path. Once again, we were pleased to have Alina, our translator, to help us order. Then some went off to the botanical garden—the second largest garden in Europe and the largest in Eastern Europe. Others went to the Translyvania History Museum. Later in the day we attended a Hungarian opera called Prince Bob. Quite a challenge to follow, but in the end we were able to figure out the story and as always there was a happy ending.
By the end of the day, most of us have finally figured out the money—Romanian Leis— and to make matters more complicated they are in the process of changing their money system so some bills are in old currency and others are in the new currency. One lei is approximately $3 American.
Monday, October 10
Day Five
The 1944 VW truck with no brakes... and other adventures
Monday came and it was back to work. We've been blessed by gorgeous weather for our work and work hard we did. Our aches and pains had subsided somewhat from Saturday and we began the day excited again.
The work today included building walls, roofing, insulating, digging that darn trench some more and applying stucco to the outside of the building. They have a unique method of gluing blue two-inch styrofoam on the OSB sheathing and then nailing it on. They put the nails through bottle caps to make sure they hold. Then the stucco goes on, then a layer of plastic mesh and then more stucco. We had great team working on that all day.
Our team leader Jane and I had an interesting adventure when Vio, our site supervisor, asked us to go with him to get more of the blue styrofoam. Off we went in the official Habitat truck, a 1944 VW that is in unbelievably bad shape. It had a cracked windshield, no power steering, very poor brakes and most importantly, no seatbelts. Jane kept her hard hat on the whole time! Romanian streets make Minnesota potholes look like nothing as we were reminded as we drove through the streets of Cluj to Vio's home to get the styrofoam. He also lives in a Habitat house, in the first Habitat neighborhood in Cluj—it was fun to see the finished product! Even though Vio doesn't speak much English we had an amazing conversation with him on the trip. He showed us where his children went to school and asked about our families. We wrote the ages of our kids on the fog on the inside of the windshield (the truck had no defroster either). And he was humming "Old Susanna" in English so Jane and I burst into song. Then he sang it back to us in Romanian!
Today was Kathy's birthday and we sang to her at the site. Then the Romanian families who were working sang to her in Romanian—it brought tears to her eyes.
Romanian hospitality exceeds our expectations
The highlight of the day for everyone was our dinners at the Habitat families' homes. Groups of four or five of us went to four different homes for dinner. We had provided extra dollars to pay for the food so that our families wouldn't be burdened by our visit. As each group arrived we all noticed how gracious and giving our hosts were. We got to meet their children and learn about their lives.
I visited the Denes family and was so touched by how LoraDonna, the wife and mother of three children 4, 6 and 8 had spent the day preparing a wonderful dinner for six of us in her one-room home. We had traditional peasant soup which was a tasty vegetable soup and then cabbage rolls which were excellent. Our translator, Laura, helped with the language barrier, but it was amazing how we could communicate without words. We shared our family photos and brought candy, crayons and coloring books for the children.
I was so struck by the love this family had and how upbeat and positive they were when they have so little material goods. They are living illegally in this one-room apartment that is in the basement. They told us of the how the husband had blocked off the holes where the rats had come in to their home. They had worked hard to improve their home and managed to make it quite homey. They didn't have an oven and cooked off a contraption that the husband had developed. It was like a coil in a non flammable piece of brick. It heated up fast and was right at the level where children could have been burned by it. It was hard to end the night with them. Our team met up at 9 p.m. to share our experiences and it was clear that all were touched by the gracious gift of Romanian hospitality they had received.
Tuesday, October 11
Day Six
Almost buried alive in cement...
Back on the work site, energized even more to help these families, we all jumped back into our jobs from the previous day with a warning that when the cement truck arrived at 9:30 we would all be needed to help move the cement through the foundation footings. Everyone worked hard until noon when we were about to break for lunch. That's when the cement truck arrived—three hours late—and the belligerent truck driver informed us that he was late for his next delivery and we needed to hurry. All 20 of us, plus the Habitat families began working the cement through the footings with pieces of flat board—makeshift paddles. The driver didn't care that we all weren't in position before he dropped the load of cement—causing 15 minutes of chaos, major spillage and cement shoes—all while the driver stood by and smoked his cigarette. Afterwards we learned that Vio puts up with this behavior because this is the only cement truck in Cluj that will navigate the 1/4 mile rocky hill to get to the site. The last cement truck dumped the cement at the bottom of the hill and the families needed to carry it up by hand in pails and wheel barrows. This is just unimaginable to all of us.
Meeting the Transylvania media
In the afternoon a reporter and photographer came to our site to interview us about the Thrivent Builds program. They kept saying that this was an extraordinary program and wanted to know why we decided to come to Romania and why we would pay our own way and take time off of work to do so. We learned more later about why volunteerism is such an unusual concept in Romania. We're looking forward to reading that story which will be published next Monday.
Tea with the Bishop of the Lutheran Church of Romania
After our visit to the Lutheran Church service on Sunday, the Bishop of Romania, Adorjani Dezso Zoltan, invited all 20 of us to tea. So after work today we all headed to the parsonage where the smells and sights were familiar and we almost expected to see Thrivent cups and napkins. After a very interesting history lesson about the evolution of the Lutheran Church in Eastern Europe, we broached the topic of involving the Romanian Lutherans in Habitat for Humanity. He mentioned how they were working hard to engage the youth in the Church, just like we are in the U.S. We suggested that Habitat Cluj would be a good way to engage the youth. We could really see the wheels turning in his head as we discussed why we volunteer and how this is an important part of our company and our heritage in America. This is clearly not the culture in Romania, where for so many years any kind of organizing was prohibited. But now, a new culture is emerging and the Bishop could see how the concept of "neighboring" could be reborn. We invited him to the work site on Friday or Saturday so he could learn more about what we are doing. We exchanged e-mail addresses and encouraged them to to connect with the next Thrivent Builds team that is coming to Cluj in June 2006. We all left feeling like we had just opened a new door for them that could change the world.
Wednesday, October 12
Day Seven
A visit to the countryside
We've been gone for two days to the countryside for a short holiday from our work so I haven't had access to an internet cafe. What an experience that was. Many have told us that the true culture of Romania is in the villages and in the last 48 hours we have seen at least 100 of them. It was so interesting and sobering…. Unlike Cluj which has a blend of old and new, the countryside was only old—in some good ways and also in some not so good ways.
Yesterday we visited the salt mines at Turda&mdsah;they were incredible and many centuries old. Some of the mines dated back 2000 years and we walked 504 metres down a tunnel to get to the first mine. Some were bell shaped and had lakes (salty) at the botton. One had an echo that when you yelled one word it echoed back 16 times. Another had 172 steps to the bottom of the mine. You could see the tool marks of the manual tools that scraped or chopped the salt away. They marked each year with a metal plate with the date —the levels didn't move much in a year. They stopped mining in 1932 and it sat empty for 60 years before they opened it again to tourism.
On to Sambata
After Turda we traveled several more hours to Sambata where we stayed at Hotel Diana—the newest and most modern hotel we have experienced in Romania. It is just a short walk from the Brancoveni Monastery. This was a beautiful and serene Orthodox Monastery that combined the old and the new. There are about 35 monks living there and we were lucky enough to be there while they were having evening prayers and chanting. They also do an unusual beating of wood hammers that sounds like drums. Here people come to pray and they make prayer requests of the monks and pay for this service. Our translator told us that Orthodox people come to visit the monastery and when they have very severe problems they beg the monks to pray for them—we witnessed a very sad situation where a woman trailed after two monks after their service begging for their prayers. The monastery also had a new building that was a school for arts, science, culture and spirituality. They let us view their lecture hall which was very new and equipped with a projector that would project computer images like powerpoint. It was just another contrast of the old and new.
We had a big bonfire at Hotel Diana after a wonderful dinner and then slept soundly for the second day of our trip.
Thursday, October 13
Day Eight
Off to visit Dracula
In the morning we departed for Signasora —the home (only for four years) of Vlad the Impaler—or as we know him—Dracula. We had lunch at Dracula's boyhood home—a wonderful vegetable beef soup—and then shopped in this beautiful medieval town. While there were many souvenir shops for Dracula fans, we also found many small antique shops and artisans. Several people bought watercolor and oil paintings of the town. We had a wonderful afternoon snack of warm (the first microwave I've seen) apple and raspberry pie. The people were wonderful and I could actually feel history as I looked at the incredible medieval architecture and wandered the cobblestone streets. After our shopping we loaded up in our vans and headed back to Cluj.
A ride back in history
The drive along what appeared to be the only main tarred road was an interesting one. Many semi trucks and lots of tailgating and passing on curves. Luckily I was in the back of our bus and looked out the window instead. The structure of the villages was interesting as there were small villages where the farming people lived all together and then they went out to the fields to farm their crops—different from Minnesota where we would see farms every mile or so. The villages were quite similar in that the houses were very old—all with stucco or brick walls and tile roofs. Often they were fenced and the back yards would have large gardens, corn fields, hay stacks and animals. We were puzzled by what appeared to be strip farming‐and couldn't understand why they did that. After a while we figured out that the reason was that they pick the corn from the stalks by hand and load it in old wooden wagons drawn by horses. We saw many of these wagons and then noticed that some homes had corn cribs in their back yards filled with ears of corn. We also saw many people in the fields digging and bagging potatoes for sale or storage. There were many corn shocks in the fields and also hay stacks. We only saw a few tractors and even fewer combines. We also saw many men hauling these large sacks of potatoes or corn on bikes—something we all agreed we couldn't have done.
Much of the land lays fallow as during the communist reign many villagers were forced to move to the city so that Romania could become a more industrialized nation. This is one of the most tragic results of communism here—very large and ugly tenements that were built where beautiful architecture once was. These large cement buildings house two-room (not two bedroom) apartments that villagers were forced to move to so they could work in factories. Today as we drove by some of the larger villages where industry had once been the poverty is so apparent. One of our Habitat friends told us that the average income of a person in Cluj is about $400 a month. One of these two-room apartments cost about $45,000 and interest rates are about 17-20% making home ownership nearly impossible for most people. Once again, this is a reminder about why the work we are doing with Habitat is so important.
While the roads were rough and it was difficult to see people working so hard to eek by a living, we also were captivated by the beauty of the Romanian countryside. It is quite hilly and there are many trees and rivers. We were near the Fagaras mountains which are the largest in Romania. Several people went hiking near these mountains and raved about the beauty, especially as the fall colors were appearing.
We arrived back in Cluj about 8 p.m. and discovered it had rained for the first time since our trip began—we have had only blue sky and beautiful weather. We're all anxious for our last two days of working and wish we could finish these houses before we have to leave.
Friday, October 14
Day Nine
Back to work
We were all anxious to get back to the job site this morning. It was much chillier, but still no rain. This first employee Thrivent Builds Worldwide trip to Cluj, Romania has truly been blessed with great weather.
We all worked very hard today because we are all feeling like we wish we could finish these houses before we go home. That is not to be as tomorrow is our last day at the worksite. Today was about speed and continuous improvement. Because we have all worked on our various jobs for more than a day, we are actually getting pretty good at them.
I've been working on insulation with Cheryl, Jane and Paul. I've been anointed the "insulation goddess." We improved our production today by 100% as we fully insulated two full units. We hope to finish at least two more tomorrow. Marna, Kathy and Awana (our translator) are following close behind us putting up plastic as a vapor barrier—they are collectively known as the "plastic goddess" and the "staple goddess."
Today was another cement day as we poured the last foundation for the last of this 12-unit complex. It's a manual job and our team rose to the task very well. Even our cement truck driver was more civil today. All of us agree that we'll never see another cement truck without thinking of our experiences in Cluj.
What a phenomenal team
I’ve been so impressed and so proud of the work ethic and cooperation of our team. Positive attitudes and a willingness to do just about anything (including digging a horrible 6 foot deep trench) have been present every day. I also feel so blessed to have made 19 new Thrivent friends who I probably would have never had the opportunity to meet if not for this trip.
We all agree that we're not ready to come home yet, even though we miss our families. Tonight we went to the central market where people are buying their groceries. Everything is fresh and people appear to buy only for a day or two. We also went to a very large shopping mall within the city where we saw more of how the wealthy in Cluj live—something we've seen little of on this trip. After a late dinner of pizza, spaghetti and beer at Pizza Y with Marna and Vicki, I'm ready to sign off for the day.
We're meeting at 7 a.m tomorrow for a special team meeting and then off to the worksite for our last day. It's impossible to imagine that we likely won't see our new Romanian friends again, but we can take solace in the mark we've left on their lives and the one they've left on our hearts.
Saturday, October 15
Day Ten
A Day of Goodbyes
It's hard to even begin to describe what today, our last day on the work site was like. We all felt the difference as we entered the site. Vio, our Habitat for Humanity site supervisor, was in rare form, directing the families who were working like a general preparing for battle. We were feeling motivated to work hard and sad to think that we would be leaving.
Work continued on all fronts. The third set of four homes (we'd call them townhomes) that didn't have a second floor on some of the units when we arrived was now fully enclosed, with the styrofoam insulation on all walls, and all of the walls were in some form of stucco—one end was completely finished with the final coat. The roofing was nearly complete on almost all of the units. The interior walls were now in place in several of the units. The insulation was installed completely in the first four units of the first building. Cement footings and foundations had been poured for three units. And the dreaded trench was nearly complete. In all, our team had donated 800 hours of labor.
New volunteers arrive
We all want so badly for our Habitat families to be in their new homes by Christmas and our biggest concern is the lack of volunteers in Romania. We did our best to help make connections for Habitat while we were here&emdash;we met with the Bishop of the Lutheran Church in Romania and we did interviews for media that resulted in 2 radio stories and 2 print stories—something that has been very difficult for Habitat to achieve.
Rotary really is international
One of our team members, Mike, who is the manager of Lutheran Community Services in Idaho, Washington and Montana, was invited to speak earlier this week with the Habitat affiliate executive director at a Rotary meeting. Here Rotary is full of young people. Mike talked with them about Habitat and Thrivent and his work with volunteers. The concept of volunteerism is foreign in this country. The Rotary had been meeting for almost a year and still hadn't figured out how they could volunteer. Well, Mike got them fired up and they said they wanted to come and volunteer today. About a dozen new volunteers showed up to work today. This made us all feel better because we made sure they had fun and would want to return to the site. I enjoyed visiting with one girl, Wana, who is the same age as my daughter and is studying the same subject—banking and finance in college. She was happy to practice her English on us. She was very bright and spoke excellent English.
Feedback from the boss
At the end of the day, we all gathered to listed as Alina (our translator) translated Vio, our site supervisor's remarks. He said that because of the rain they were two months behind where they wanted to be before we came. He said that we caught them up by a month in our week's visit. He praised our hard work and was so thankful for the tools we left him with. Today the National Director of Habitat for Humanity in Romania also came to work with us. He was thrilled and proud that Thrivent had selected Romania as their first Thrivent Builds site. Many of the homeowners were also there to thank us and say goodbye.
The farewell dinner
Tonight we will join the Habitat staff for a special farewell dinner. It is at a special restaurant and we've invited the key Habitat staff and their spouses to attend. It will be so hard for us to say goodbye to our new Romanian friends. We leave at 5:30 a.m. tomorrow so this will be my last post in country. As a senior executive of Thrivent Financial, I must say how proud I am of the caliber and character of each and every one of my team mates on this trip. How blessed we are to have these people in our midst every day.
A final note….
It has been difficult to describe this experience via words…. I hope you have enjoyed reading it and that perhaps you will be moved to support Habitat for Humanity, participate in a ThriventBuilds project in the U.S. or perhaps travel as we did across the globe to make some wonderful new friends.